OFFICIAL SITE OF
EVIL THOUGHTS / WILD RAMBLINGS / BOTTLED UP ANGER
TASTELESS HUMOUR / BAD FASHION
AND OTHER MINDLESS SHIT NOBODY IS INTERESTED IN!
Popular Douche Bags And Dregs Versus Outcasts With A Serious Attitude Problem
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A Call To Destiny But Not In The Way You Know
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Possible Romance - Check Back When The Second Book Is Released
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An Adventure For Kidz That Is Alternative To The Mainstream
It Can Only Be –
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SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S
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ALIENS! ALIENS! ALIENS!:
CHRONICLES OF THE SEVENTH REIGN
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AVAILABLE HERE
SAMPLE CHAPTERS HERE
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The First Book In A Series Of Seven Chronicling The Adventures Of
Three Film Buffs And Three Feisty Females As They Battle The Forces Of Darkness
In A Multidimensional Event Known As The Zegirodath
What Happens When You Get A Raven Haired Bombshell Clashing Swords With A Semi Suicidal Vampire Who Sleeps In A Bathtub?
You get –
SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S
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ADDICTED TO CINDY
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This Time Round – Kassir Is On A Mission To Win The Heart And Soul Of A Woman Who Takes Shit From Nobody!
Will He Succeed By Being Not So Charming And Over The Top Poetic?
Or Will He Crash And Burn Like All The Hopeless Romantics That Have Come Before Him?
Terrible Poetry
Alien Slugs
​An Artist With An Eye For The Dead
​Three Tales Of Something Stupid
It Can Only Be –
SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S
I LACK EVERYTHING EXCEPT BAD THOUGHTS
AND
DIRTY UNDERWEAR!
A Collection Of Badly Written Poetry And Fiction
Designed To Make You Tear Out Your Eyes
And Curse My Name Until The End Of Time
COMING SOON!
A Miserable Semi Suicidal Vampire Searching For A Reason To Live
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A Tracksuit / Armour Clad Vigilante Making Peace With His Anger Issues While
Hunting Down A European Douche Bag Drug Dealer Who Was Stupid Enough To
Come To Town
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A Young Mom Looking To Start A New Life While Struggling To Deal With The
Possibility Her Daughter Might Be Dying
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Aleshae – A Strange Nine Year Old Girl Suffering From A Mystery Illness That Hits
Her At Odd Times
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Rexmach Resurrected – Three Kids Who Are More Than They Appear To Be
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The Screaming Darkness – A Real Nasty Bastard Who Has Come Back From The Dead
It Can Only Be –
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SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S
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NOT MY PROBLEM
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The First Book In A Series Of Seven Chronicling The Adventures Of Aleshae As She
Travels From One Reality To Another Battling Bad Guys And Stealing Sequences
Originally Meant For The Love Misery Cycle
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COMING SOON!
Guy On Guy Rivalry – Drama Queen Style
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Girl On Girl Action – But Not In The Way You Think
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Possible Demonic Ritual Sacrifice
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Official Introduction Of Two Women Who Will Change The Dynamic Of The Seventh Reign
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It Can Only Be –
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SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S
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DRAMA SCHOOL TERROR!:
CHRONICLES OF THE SEVENTH REIGN
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BOOK 2
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COMING SOON (SORT OF-ISH)
FEELING THE NUT-SACK LOVE!
THIS DUDE ROCKS!
SEX - VIOLENCE - BAD LANGUAGE - SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP SHIT - THIS IS FICTION WITH DOUBLE ATTITUDE!
Ultra 'Shocking' Beaumont,
VIDEO SUCK THIS!
ALL STYLE AND NO SUBSTANCE - THIS GUY'S FICTION WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...
Alice Reel (lead vocalist),
DAMN MY FUCKING MIND
A BIG STEAMING PILE OF CRUD PANCAKES - MAKES YOU WONDER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WESTERN WORLD!
Dr. I-Shit-My-Pants-Constantly (author of),
HOW TO BE A DECENT FELLOW AND AN ASS KISSING MEMBER OF THE SHEEP SOCIETY
NO PROFILE NEEDED...
Part Myth
Part Legend
All Reality
Loved By Few
Hated By Many
Understood By None
That's right folks - I am the Dark Romantic Of The Night.
Suicidal By Spirit
Homicidal By Nature
Genocidal By Mood
I am the 7th Lord Of Chaos and the only guy on the planet who writes Unsophisticated Fiction For Those Who Don't Belong.
WELCOME TO MY WORLD....
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Feel Free To Look Around And Be Miserable!
7 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
1) I don’t do interviews. The only time I will ever consider doing an interview is when I need to set the record straight.
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2) I rarely do live poetry readings. However if I’m in the mood I will perform at Gothic Weddings, Gothic Funerals, Gothic Birthday parties, Gothic Bar Mitzvahs, Gothic Hen Nights, Halloween parties and pretty much any other Gothic event. As long as I get some cake at the end of the gig – I’ll be happy.
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3) Yes – my nails are pretty long and beautiful for a guy.
4) Yes – it’s true – I hang around in graveyards spouting bad poetry.
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5) It's also true that I am a thong wearing man frog – but only on the weekends.
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6) Yes – I have the smallest dick in the world. It’s so small – even if you had a magnifying glass you wouldn’t be able to find it.
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7) Yes – my hair is real.
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SAF'S BACK STORY VAULT...
HA!
HALLOWEEN KING
HA!
HA!
HA!
What’s a bad idea?
I’m not really sure.
Perhaps visiting a cemetery at night and on Halloween.
Definitely a bad idea.
I should have listened to my friends but being the fool I am - I stepped into the graveyard never to step out again.
Looks like the joke was on me after all.
At least it started out as a joke but turned into something a little more serious.
Very serious – actually.
No harm was really done.
But I’m jumping the gun and we don’t have much time for me to tell you the story from the beginning.
Forgive me.
So - it was Halloween night and I was in the graveyard.
My task to find an old pumpkin under the dead tree and declare myself the Halloween King in a loud voice.
I found it and said the words.
Something came out of the shadows and took me into the darkness.
The next day I returned slightly different.
Light-headed you might say.
That was a year ago.
And here we are now underneath a beautiful full moon and on another Halloween night.
Still - there is an upside to this tale.
I’m no longer a slacker and I don’t have any responsibilities except for one.
Comes with the territory when you are dead.
I’m the night watchman and now that I think about it - I was born to be dead and so were you my little friend.
Trick or treat!
STUPID FUCK!
Once there was a box.
A box with a unique pattern on it.
Then there was a guy.
A semi decent fellow with a reasonable dress sense.
He wasn’t the most handsome guy in the world but then again he wouldn't consider himself ugly either.
One day after another lonely night of watching television - getting fat - and jacking off - he came downstairs and found the mysterious object sitting on his coffee table.
Cool, he thought, as he rushed over to study the box.
On top of the lid there was a small card with a single word written on it – ‘OPEN.’
So he did.
The box jumped up and bit his face off.
Stupid Fuck!
Curiosity – it’s a wonderful thing…
SMELL IT!
The room was a mess.
David knew it but that didn’t bother him.
As long as he had the socks – it didn’t matter.
He was on top of the world.
The only thing that bothered him was the smell.
Similar to a hundred rotting eggs - but that was the test.
And he had conquered it.
I’ve been sitting here for the past fifteen minutes and not once have I given into the smell. Ha-ha! Victory is mine!
Or so he thought.
He felt something stir inside his stomach.
He started to throw up.
“Shit!” he cried - as he keeled over dead.
Looks like the smell got to him after all…
REFLECTIONS OF A FRAGMENT
Room - Small
Nice wallpaper - Nothing fancy
Sitting
Thinking
Outside now
Air - Cool
Walking
Supermarket - Not many people
Target sighted - Bread section
We stand - Staring
Draw - Same time
People - watching
Hold back
Into the night - I go
Being followed
He didn’t buy anything - Neither Did I - Come to think of it
Game On!
Confrontation - Park
Howling Sirens - Somewhere in the background
Draw - Again
BANG!
Blood
Turn to leave - Now surrounded
Been dead before
Tonight - Will I die again?
Guns - Lots Of Guns - Oh My!
A heavy shower of bullets
Ready
Set
Go…
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© 2020 Safdar Muttaqi
Should you feel the need to Contact me for whatever reason - you can find me haunting these sites -
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If you just want to tear me a new one - go and bitch about it on my Youtube videos.
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If you want to talk about books - comics - films - anime - or how to fight off the Blubber Demons from the 117th Dimension - just hit me up on facebook.
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If you want to send me cash because you're feeling generous - that can be arranged too!
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BRIEF ROMANTIC INTERLUDES AND DARK MUSINGS OF THE STUPID KIND...
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Right then folks - I've decided to join the human race and try online dating - so listen up ladies - here's my dating profile!
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My name is Safdar Muttaqi though you may address me as ‘MR. DIVINE SUNSHINE or THE DRIFTER'!
I hail from rainy old United Kingdom (this is the part where you’re all supposed to clap and cheer) and I’m looking for a woman who is lively and different.
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Sort of like Vanilla Coke but with a little more personality.
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My very own Harley Quinn - you might say.
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A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I dance in the Light Fantastic and watch anime whenever I get the chance.
I drift through life without a care in the world.
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I brush my teeth with boot polish to give it that extra shine.
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I shave my legs with peanut butter - because I'm a MAN baby - a real fucking man!
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I use hair gel - lots of it.
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When you say 'Hello' - I say 'Goodbye'
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Take care now – drive safely – and remember to pee standing up!
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Alternatively - if you need a date for Friday night or you want to try a new restaurant but don't want to go alone - you can hire me for the evening for the very low price of £3.50 and a packet of chewing gum.
All offers of casual sex are off the table - I don't have the stamina to keep up with you.
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If you're looking for cheap thrills - try a dead car battery - it will give you a real sense of accomplishment!
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Dark Thoughts and Dark Regards!
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