Official Site Of Evil Thoughts And Badly Written Fiction By A Guy Who Should Be A Best Selling Freaky

Author & Radical Poet

Instead Of Being A Creepy Dude From Sunny Old England!

Popular Douche Bags And Dregs Versus Outcasts With A Serious Attitude Problem

A Call To Destiny But Not In The Way You Know

Possible Romance - Check Back When The Second Book Is Released

An Adventure For Kidz That Is Alternative To The Mainstream

 

It Can Only Be –

SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S

ALIENS! ALIENS! ALIENS!:

CHRONICLES OF THE SEVENTH REIGN

The first book in a series of seven chronicling the adventures of three film buffs and three feisty females as they battle the forces of darkness in a multidimensional event known as the Zegirodath.

THE SECRET TO UNSOPHISTICATED THINKING: 

THE LOVE MISERY CYCLE - BOOK ONE

 

AVAILABLE HERE

 

YES - THERE MIGHT BE SOME ERRORS IN THE FINAL PRODUCT - IT'S INTENTIONAL SINCE I AM THE MASTER OF THE ART OF BEING PROFESSIONAL WITHOUT BEING PROFESSIONAL! 

SYNOPSIS

Kassir – is a low level self-published author trying to break into the film industry as a screenwriter and secretly looking for a reason to live.

 

Hashish – Kassir’s cousin – is looking for a new woman to mend his broken heart.

Violet Rose – is a young mom looking to start a new life while struggling to deal with the possibility her daughter might be dying.

Alisha Rose – is a bright eight year old girl suffering from a mystery illness that hits her at odd times.

The Screaming Darkness – BUY THE BOOK AND FIND OUT!

SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S – THE SECRET TO UNSOPHISTICATED THINKING – Is a story about – Hope – Love – Death – and the endless level of stupidity that men seem to display in order to make sense of everyday shit – including the ultimate mystery that is – WOMAN!

It is the first book in Safdar Muttaqi’s Alternative Rom-Com saga – THE LOVE MISERY CYCLE.

FOREVER DRIFTING THROUGH THE GREAT RIVER OF THE SKY: 

THE LOVE MISERY CYCLE - BOOK TWO

AVAILABLE HERE

SYNOPSIS

What happens when you get a raven haired bombshell clashing swords with a miserable bastard who constantly has the suicide option open on the table?

You get – SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S – FOREVER DRIFTING THROUGH THE GREAT RIVER OF THE SKY.

The second installment in Safdar Muttaqi’s Alternative Rom-Com saga – 

THE LOVE MISERY CYCLE.

This time round – Kassir is on a mission to win the heart and soul of a woman who takes shit from nobody!

Will he succeed by being not so charming and over the top poetic?

Or will he crash and burn like all the hopeless romantics that have come before him?

 

BUY THE BOOK AND FIND OUT!

COMING SOON

Terrible Poetry (Love – Heartbreak – And All That Tortured Shit)

Alien Slugs

An Artist With An Eye For The Dead

Three Tales Of Something Stupid

 

The Worst Scene Of Two People Fucking Ever To Be Featured In A Short Story

 

(The Guy Who Writes This Stuff Is Such A Loser – Even The Bed Sheets Refuse To Have Sex With Him!)

It Can Only Be –

SAFDAR MUTTAQI’S

I LACK EVERYTHING EXCEPT BAD THOUGHTS

AND

DIRTY UNDERWEAR!

A Collection Of Badly Written Poetry And Fiction

Designed To Make You Tear Out Your Eyes

And Curse My Name Until The End Of Time

COMING SOON!

 

FEELING THE NUT-SACK LOVE!

THIS DUDE ROCKS!

SEX - VIOLENCE - BAD LANGUAGE - SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP SHIT - THIS IS FICTION WITH DOUBLE ATTITUDE!

Ultra 'Shocking' Beaumont,
VIDEO SUCK THIS!

ALL STYLE AND NO SUBSTANCE - THIS GUY'S FICTION WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...

Alice Reel (lead vocalist),

DAMN MY FUCKING MIND

A BIG STEAMING PILE OF CRUD PANCAKES - MAKES YOU WONDER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WESTERN WORLD!

Dr. I-Shit-My-Pants-Constantly (author of),

HOW TO BE A DECENT FELLOW  AND AN ASS KISSING MEMBER OF THE SHEEP SOCIETY

NO PROFILE NEEDED...

Part Myth

Part Legend

All Reality

Loved By Few

Hated By Many

Understood By None

 

That's right folks - I am the Dark Romantic Of The Night.

 

Suicidal By Spirit

Homicidal By Nature

Genocidal By Mood

 

I am the 7th Lord Of Chaos and the only guy on the planet who writes Unsophisticated Fiction For Those Who Don't Belong.

 

WELCOME TO MY WORLD....

Feel Free To Look Around And Be Miserable!

7 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME

 

1) I don’t do interviews. The only time I will ever consider doing an interview is when I need to set the record straight.

2) I rarely do live poetry readings. However if I’m in the mood I will perform at Gothic Weddings, Gothic Funerals, Gothic Birthday parties, Gothic Bar Mitzvahs, Gothic Hen Nights, Halloween parties and pretty much any other Gothic event. As long as I get some cake at the end of the gig – I’ll be happy.

3) Yes – my nails are pretty long and beautiful for a guy.

 

4) Yes – it’s true – I hang around in graveyards spouting bad poetry.

5) It's also true that I am a thong wearing man frog – but only on the weekends.

6) Yes – I have the smallest dick in the world. It’s so small – even if you had a magnifying glass you wouldn’t be able to find it.

7) Yes – my hair is real.

 
 
 

SAF'S BACK STORY VAULT...

HA!

HA!

HA!

HA!

HALLOWEEN KING

What’s a bad idea?

I’m not really sure.

Perhaps visiting a cemetery at night and on Halloween.

Definitely a bad idea.

I should have listened to my friends but being the fool I am - I stepped into the graveyard never to step out again.

Looks like the joke was on me after all.

At least it started out as a joke but turned into something a little more serious.

Very serious – actually.

No harm was really done.

But I’m jumping the gun and we don’t have much time for me to tell you the story from the beginning.

Forgive me.

 So - it was Halloween night and I was in the graveyard.

My task to find an old pumpkin under the dead tree and declare myself the Halloween King in a loud voice.

I found it and said the words.

Something came out of the shadows and took me into the darkness.

The next day I returned slightly different.

Light-headed you might say.

That was a year ago.

And here we are now underneath a beautiful full moon and on another Halloween night.

Still - there is an upside to this tale.

I’m no longer a slacker and I don’t have any responsibilities except for one.

Comes with the territory when you are dead.

I’m the night watchman and now that I think about it - I was born to be dead and so were you my little friend.

Trick or treat!

STUPID FUCK!

Once there was a box.

A box with a unique pattern on it.

Then there was a guy.

A semi decent fellow with a reasonable dress sense.

He wasn’t the most handsome guy in the world but then again he wouldn't consider himself ugly either.

One day after another lonely night of watching television - getting fat - and jacking off - he came downstairs and found the mysterious object sitting on his coffee table.

Cool, he thought, as he rushed over to study the box.

On top of the lid there was a small card with a single word written on it – ‘OPEN.’

So he did.

The box jumped up and bit his face off.

Stupid Fuck!

Curiosity – it’s a wonderful thing…

SMELL IT!

The room was a mess.

David knew it but that didn’t bother him.

As long as he had the socks – it didn’t matter.

He was on top of the world.

The only thing that bothered him was the smell.

Similar to a hundred rotting eggs - but that was the test.

And he had conquered it.

I’ve been sitting here for the past fifteen minutes and not once have I given into the smell. Ha-ha! Victory is mine!

Or so he thought.

He felt something stir inside his stomach.

He started to throw up.

“Shit!” he cried - as he keeled over dead.

Looks like the smell got to him after all…

REFLECTIONS OF A FRAGMENT

Room - Small

Nice wallpaper - Nothing fancy

Sitting

Thinking

Outside now

Air - Cool

Walking

Supermarket - Not many people

Target sighted - Bread section

We stand - Staring

Draw - Same time

People - watching

Hold back

Into the night - I go

Being followed

He didn’t buy anything - Neither Did I - Come to think of it

Game On!

Confrontation - Park

Howling Sirens - Somewhere in the background

Draw - Again

BANG!

Blood

Turn to leave - Now surrounded

Been dead before

Tonight - Will I die again?

Guns - Lots Of Guns - Oh My!

A heavy shower of bullets

Ready

Set

Go…

© 2016 Safdar Muttaqi

 

© 2016 by Safdar Muttaqi. Proudly created with Wix.com

Should you feel the need to Contact me for whatever reason - you can find me haunting these sites -

If you just want to tear me a new one - go and bitch about it on my Youtube videos.

If you want to talk about books - comics - films - anime - or how to fight off the Blubber Demons from the  117th Dimension - just hit me up on facebook.

If you want to send me cash because you're feeling generous - that can be arranged too!

BRIEF ROMANTIC INTERLUDES AND DARK MUSINGS OF THE STUPID KIND...

Right then folks - I've decided to join the human race and try online dating - so listen up ladies - here's my dating profile!

My name is Safdar Muttaqi though you may address me as ‘MR. DIVINE SUNSHINE or THE DRIFTER'!

 

I hail from rainy old United Kingdom (this is the part where you’re all supposed to clap and cheer) and I’m looking for a woman who is lively and different.

Sort of like Vanilla Coke but with a little more personality.

My very own Harley Quinn - you might say.

A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:

 

I dance in the Light Fantastic and watch anime whenever I get the chance.

 

I drift through life without a care in the world.

I brush my teeth with boot polish to give it that extra shine.

I shave my legs with peanut butter - because I'm a MAN baby - a real fucking man!

I use hair gel - lots of it.

When you say 'Hello' - I say 'Goodbye'

Take care now – drive safely – and remember to pee standing up!

Alternatively - if you need a date for Friday night or you want to try a new restaurant but don't want to go alone - you can hire me for the evening for the very low price of £3.50 and a packet of chewing gum.

 

All offers of casual sex are off the table - I don't have the stamina to keep up with you.

If you're looking for cheap thrills - try a dead car battery - it will give you a real sense of accomplishment!

Dark Thoughts and Dark Regards!

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